2013-a brand new start

2012 is ending...
This has been a dramatically challenging year for me. Always ending a year with expectations for the next. Pure expectations like a girl reading the story book hoping to be a princess.. Pure anticipation just because everyone should keep the hope, should have a dream.
This time is different, having different responsibility, sketching a different plan, being a tougher girl. I am expecting a totally different year, a brand new start.
Determined as usual, holding the belief that I will be able to achieve whatever I aim for.
Daddy, are you there by our side all the time? Are you seeing what I am doing, every decisions I made? Just couldn't believe you are gone..We as a family, the first time traveled overseas , but without you. Every place I have been to, I feel blessed, to be able to see the world with Mum , sis and bro. It is an amazing feeling. And I feel pain, keep whispering in my heart:" Dad, did you see that?"
Everything we have we own and able to do is just because of you.I want to make you proud, why can't you stay and see it..
2013 ... What will you be? Can I assume the worst has gone? No matter what,I am going to impress people. I want to make my dear daddy proud.
My goal is clearer, I am confident and determined. With you always in my mind and heart, I will be the someone.

Location:Jalan Bayu Puteri 1/3,Johor Bahru,Malaysia

The Pain that can last forever..

This is the 13th days since Daddy left...
Mummy and four of us have been doing everything together during these 2 weeks.. We joke,we keep talking about how funny daddy was..we sleep together in the master bedroom..we plan the menu of the dinner for mum as well as dad..
We drove to Singapore have a day trip with dad's car..
Everyday seemed like a happy day, we are doing well...
Deep down,I am missing daddy badly.. I believe everyone of us is missing daddy..but we never share because we need to be happy and strong in front of mummy...
Everyday, dad's favorite song will be played repeatedly in the living room...
Wherever we went, I would wish daddy to be there.. Thinking of what he used to tell me...what responses he would have...
Went for a movie, and I wished Daddy can be there, he loved that kind of movie...Feeling so sad and pain when I realized he is not going to be there..
Didn't try my best to accompany him during the past few weeks.. Even making him angry and speechless..
I am so regret... Can't help thinking everything might be different if I didn't make him angry...
On the funeral, I was strong,I could smile to all the guests but I couldn't tell how dad left us... That was the day that I would never forget.. My dear daddy...Feeling so pain to know he suffered...Can't describe how pain it is...
Daddy.. I miss you.. I wished you are happy now, you deserve a better life.. You are such a great man that you left the best things for us... You have been so kind and generous to the one who needs help... Couldn't be prouder..
Xuan Kai and Sheng have been so mature and grown up.. I hope you are proud of us..
I miss you...

Location:Jalan Aliff Harmoni 4/6,Johor Bahru,Malaysia

I need some energy..

Once upon a time...
Home is the sweetest place..
Mum's lovely meals, laundry done,slacking in front of the PC..
All I have to worry is what excuse to give the next day if I was going out dating...
Never really appreciate that..
This trip home..
I am prepared whatever comes...
On a daily basis,never really stop from the second I wake up...
Nobody is going to do my laundry...
Nobody has time to prepare my meals... I am not a little girl anymore...
It is exhausting but I'm fine. No complaint as long as Dad can get better and better..
However, it is too challenging.. Drama can happen anytime...
Physically tired as well as mentally exhausting..
I wish I could be more capable to have everything under control.. I wish.. Everything can be good again...

Location:Jalan Mutiara Emas Utama,Johor Bahru,Malaysia

Home Sweet Home

Once upon a time...
Being at home is like being on a holiday in a resort...

But when I grew up..
It is not like that at all...
Nobody do my laundry.. Nobody cook for me anymore...Nobody clean the house...
I am having more responsibilities now in return...
It is tiring, frustrated, and only sis n bro can understand..

I have prepared for these.. So, I am doing fine....
I wish I can do more but it is just not easy...

Pray really hard...

Location:Jalan Permas 3/3,Masai,Malaysia

Is it a good bye?

On my way to the airport..
Throughout this
five years, never enjoy this..
I know for you.. It is more torturing... Putting myself in the mind set that:we will meet real soon and sorted out a plan..
I believe in you...




Love..

Location:Victoria Rd,Drummoyne,Australia

Unsecure..

Feeling extremely unsecure when my life is boring and peaceful..

What do I actually need?

My Prince Silly**

You are not the prince that I always dream of..

You are not as charming...

You didn't ride on a white horse..

You didn't come from a castle..

You are not observative enough with every change that happen to me..

You didn't give me the surprises which I had been expecting..

You are the one who spent the whole day in the market and kitchen just to give me a good dinner..
You are the one who doesn't ride on the white horse but an ugly green sedan who never fail to pick me up on time because you know I hate to wait...
You are the one who always tell silly crap and jokes just to make me smile..
You are the one who enjoys shopping with me even it is really boring..
You are the one who answers all my questions with another question..nah..this is irritating!! But you know just how to make me smile again...
You are the one who makes really ugly scary silly face whenever you see a stressful me...
You are the one who likes to sing to me no matter where as if there is nobody's business..
You are the one who makes lovely fruit platter just to make sure I have enough fruits everyday...

I am independent,  I can take care of a million things on my own...
Somehow, I wish there is someone who I can rely on..
You are not the charming Prince who I used to dream of..
But you are the silly Prince who I can rely on...
The independent side of me disappear when you are around..
I enjoy sitting in the car that you drive, no matter how long the journey is...
I enjoy every dishes you made...
I love lying on cosy sofa forever, because you will bring me water and food as well as a good movie!


Life has been hectic and I am flat out with works....
Surprisingly, most of my time has been consumed by works and stress..
I wonder, what happen if I need to travel to somewhere else for work?
It was the beginning when I planned to wear all my lovely clothes for work, paying attention to all the details of my appearance before heading to work in the morning...
Haha, I fail..
Wake up 15 minutes before 9am, put up whatever I can grab from the warddrobe, here I am! Vivienne of the day...
People thinks I am stressed out and looked pale..
In fact I am, but the main reason I looked pale is because I didn't do my make up....
No motivation to work every morning because the early winter make the bed so cosy..
No time for breakfast, the reason is... I prefer to sleep for 10 more minutes...
Trying to finish a yogurt in the workplace but it just took me forever because the ringing of the phones.....
Nearly scream out loud sometime...
The motivation of the day is, babe is not working during the night and I will be able to see him at home ..Thanks for being there taking care of the daily stuffs....

Weekends... I love weekend... more than I ever thought...
It is so short though...At this time of the Sunday night, there is always something there playing with my feeling..
Something bitter, something uncomfortable.. kind of sad..
Sad that the weekend is just over too soon....
I am getting there..I am getting there, keep telling myself this to stabilise my confident at work...

I want to get drunk... wonder how it feels like when one is drunk.....
I am so in love with the resort that is built in the middle of the sea, with glass-made floor in the room and I can see the cystal blue sea through the floor!...please....bring me there some day....

I am lucky enough to have everything I always want for..
Really appreciate everything in my life now....
With a full time job,a lovely sister here with me and my Prince Silly!
However, I am greedy! Working towards my aim, step by step...
Yeah! I know I can do it!!